Posted by Serenity in Faith, family | 11 Comments
It was better when you were here
When I wrote about belief a while back, my friend Den wrote something I really loved (all the commenters wrote beautiful things – if you need a lift, go check it out!). He said that asking, “Is this all there is?” about life seemed sort of like looking a gift horse in the mouth. The complexity of the universe and even the complexity of each other – it takes a lifetime to even begin to understand how much there is to understand. And that journey is such a moving, brilliant thing.
I really like the idea of heaven and eternity. I really hope for it. I often count on an eternal righting of things that the bible suggests will happen. And when someone dies, I pray it’s real and that I can see them again. 
This is a picture of Jake with his great-grandpa, with whom Jake shares a name. Grandpa’s funeral is tomorrow. I’ll sing in it. Jake will sit on someone’s lap, or near them, not really understanding what has happened. And we’ll all talk of how Grandpa has passed on and what he meant to us and what he added to our lives. His grandson, a soldier, will fold the flag during the military service. And we’ll all cry.
Den’s words about belief have made me think about this death differently than before. I wonder sometimes if we rush to the thought of eternity so we don’t have to face the resolution of today. Or if in counting on eternity, we take for granted our time with each other in life.
I feel so grateful that Jake shares a name with Michael’s grandpa. It’s a living reminder that we treasured him when he was with us to treasure. Instead of thinking so much about the day when we hope to see him again, I’ve been thinking about the days we saw him here. I’ve been thinking about life and how cool it was to share it with him at least for this amount of time.
Eternity is a wonderful, beautiful hope. But I’m reminded of something my uncle teaches about the salvation-by-works theology versus salvation-by-grace. (Believe like you’re saved by grace, live like it’s all up to you…), and I would paraphrase, “Believe that you’ll see your loved ones again, but love them like this is all you’ve got.”
Excellent perspective, Serenity Beth. I’ll be praying for you while you sing. I know both your voice and Jake’s presence will be an enouragement to the whole clan.
I’m so sorry about your loss. I love your perspective. It’s such a great reminder to love and never take the people you love for granted. I’ll be thinking and praying for all of you.
Believe that you’ll see your loved ones again, but love them like this is all you’ve got.
I.LOVE.THAT.
Thinking of the Bohon fam, all week long, and sending lots of love and prayers.
Thank you, Girls!
Serenity, all the best to you and your family as you deal with this loss.
Resurrection and New Heavens/New Earth? I count on them.
Ah, yes. I get that. Perfect.
I visited my maternal grandmother recently for a surprise birthday lunch. Since my grandfather died, she regularly brings him up and her birthday speech was no exception. I think that to some degree she’s still figuring out how to live without him, but she also is doing her best to make him present to us all even though he’s gone. In that way, I think she’s exploring the complexity of each other and I admire her for doing so.
I’m sorry to hear about your family’s loss, I still miss my grandpa quite a bit. One of the hard bits of losing him is that a stroke took a lot of his personality some years before he died. One of the comforts was that afterward I always knew each time I saw him might be the last, so I made sure that I spent some time just being with him. Really being there with him. I hope that you have some memories like this to sustain you and that you’ll all work at the complexity of each other when making him present through your memories and words and songs.
One last thought on this subject of the definitely now, maybe eternity approach. I was standing in a public restroom with my son today while he did his business, the second or third time in a week that I got to have such an experience. Few things test my patience like waiting on my children to fulfill needful tasks that seem to drag on way too long. For a moment I thought, “I wish I thought this waiting patiently was storing up treasures in heaven.” (which I think is perhaps a really thickheadedly literal interpreation of such biblical passages). But I was led to reconsider. Perhaps, valuing a special five-year-old is reward enough. Even if he never remembers, never thanks me, no one else ever sees how patient I was struggling to be, maybe he’s worth it. It’s what he needs, and I can give it to him. I’m not sure I could always have the presence of mind to pull this together in such situations, but today it helped. It helped to just take today, the complexity of my son, the complexity of learning to dwell in the moment. Today was enough, at least for today.
I think living in the moment, and giving that moment to a child without begrudging him a thing, was definitely enough.
“Believe that you’ll see your loved ones again, but love them like this is all you’ve got.” I am adding this to my list of favorite quotes of all time.
So very sorry to hear of your family’s great loss … I’ll be thinking about you.
What a wonderful tribute to a special man. I’ll keep you in my prayers, you and your family.