Posted by Serenity in trying to matter | 18 Comments
significance
Every October, the university in our town has its homecoming. And you may know I consider it a personal parade in my honor, because it was the first big outing for us and our firstborn. He wore a little purple Truman State University jacket and everything (from my dear friend Luke). And a tradition was born.
After moving into our house several years ago we added the tradition of actually walking to campus for the parade route and we discovered this really wonderful thing. The sign in this picture says “Free Pancakes”. And that’s really what it means. The house sits catty-corner to where we always stand for the parade, and I live for their pancakes. And every year I think, surely they have a donation jar and I’ve just missed it before. But no, I’ve asked. There are seriously no strings attached to their hot pancakes, plastic plates and forks and big ol’ vats of syrup. The Pancake House. These guys are today’s visual aid.
I’ve been thinking about this quote Felicity pointed me to last week:
We are motivated by two conflicting fears in life: the fear of failure and the fear of insignificance. What we endeavor to do is determined by which fear is the strongest.
You only have to read a few posts to know I have a whole label for “trying to matter”. That’s definitely my bigger fear. So what am I actually striving for? What are any of us striving for when we strive for significance?
I helped lead a youth group once and one of the girls expressed this fear. She felt afraid she would never reach her dreams if she stayed in our small mid-American town. And another woman in the room told her this, “If you serve people the way you’re supposed to, no one will ever know your name.”
And I had two thoughts – okay three. One: Ouch. Two: What am I doing leading a youth group when I relate more to that girl’s question than to the answer? And Third: Is that true?
It wasn’t true for Mother Teresa. It seems kinda true for the Pancake House. Lord, I love them, but I don’t know a one of their names.
I heard once, on one of the many talent-driven reality shows out there, that some people just want to be famous whereas some people have a gift they know they’re supposed to use. Part of my fear of insignificance is the fear that I won’t put anything memorable in the earth. And I think, by that, I probably mean something lovely that in the end basically points to me. Ew.
But there’s this other part. This part that says, I just want to be useful. I want to add something to the world that helps the world. I want that something to matter.
It’s gotta be something like this that motivates college students to make free pancakes every homecoming and never even fly a banner with the name of their organization. And I hope someday I can be really sure it’s what motivated me and that there’s something somewhere to show for it.
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When we’re a child of God, we are compelled to MATTER…we’re driven to feel for the lost and want to bring them to the kingdom of heaven.
I am so trying to figure out WHERE I’m supposed to matter right now. I know I make a difference in my current workplace. I work hard, and customers like me. I help our company put out good software updates for our customers to use. I have a good work ethic and I try to be a good witness but the fools I work with drive me to tears and frustration constantly…
This keeps me wondering “Is this where God means me to be?” Then I let my fears of instability in and I decide I just need to stick it out at my current workplace. Meanwhile, the other part of me is still wondering if He is beating me over the head with this frustration I keep running into the whole while He’s saying “I wish you’d just get My point already!!”
I don’t even care if anyone knows my name…I just want to be where God wants me to be…
This is another one of those “you broke into my brain again” posts. I remember Oscar night (2005, I think) when Reese won and read June Carter’s words about “just trying to matter.” I got goosebumps because I thought THAT’S IT.
The only thing bigger than my fear of being totally insignificant and never impacting anybody outside myself, is the fear of missing the point, of getting caught in a web of trying to be seen and heard and known, when really maybe what I did for one person that nobody ever saw was the whole point. Maybe that was enough.
Anyway, I don’t have too much more too add because you expressed it perfectly, and I’m looking for answers more than giving them these days;).
But I completely understand what you mean.
I love the idea of those free pancakes. They sound delicious – and I love that they’re totally FREE, no strings attached.
I wrestle with trying to matter, too – and trying to contribute something truly significant to the world, or even to the lives of a few people. It’s hard to know how to do that, and where I’m supposed to be. But I keep trying.
(I wish that woman had not responded to that girl in such a way. It sounds so pious and self-righteous! I know there’s a place for humility, but I think she completely missed the point of the question.)
Ah, this is so my topic right now! I would answer significance, but I’m kind of afraid that so far in my life its been more about the fear of failure. An example for me is when I look at someone semi-famous doing something I know I could do better; I often say something to the effect of, “I could do that!” But, you know, I’m not. I’m right here in my small corner of the world. Maybe the only reason they are doing it and I am not is because they tried.
I’ll be back to this topic!
Ah yes, “Because they tried.” I know the feeling.
And, Katie, yea, I didn’t like that answer either.
What a lovely tradition.
I don’t agree that if you serve the right way, nobody will know who you are. I think it’s just about contributing something beautiful to life because that’s what we’re intended to do. Sometimes that’ll be behind the scenes, but sometimes it won’t.
This reminds me of that episode of Friends in which Phoebe tries to do a completely selfless act of kindness, but no matter what she does the goodness and recognition always comes back to her in the end.
So in a tremendous leap, I’m going to go ahead and take a theological cue from Phoebe Bouffet and remind everyone that God rewards those who do good for good’s sake.
Erin, you’re definitely speaking my language. That episode is an awesome example.
Seren you’ve done it again. Inspired me, while making me think and question. (thats a sign of an awesome writer by the way). I’ve been thinking about that quote Felic shared last week, and that you shared today. I don’t need my name in lights, I know this. I also know that when I help someone, I think I end up feeling better than they do, and learn something about myself in the end. People come to me for advice, that is an awesome thing but also sometimes makes me a little nervous (lol) because I’m afraid I will steer them in the wrong direction.
So after I try and help, I then point “up” and remind them that if they pray and ask, HE will guide them. It ends up being a rather interesting conversation if the person happens to be an athiest. But that’s another story….
Fantastic post!
I’m so glad I found you. Always love what you add to my day.
Back in the day, I wondered if it was a bad thing that the most popular prophetic words were the ones that would tell you how important you were going to be in the Kingdom. “Grab that passport”, “You will be preaching to not thousands, but millions”… etc. It all seemed to glorify the receiver of the word more than God. Certainly some of the people standing there just had a desire to serve God with all of their hearts. But then again, maybe some just wanted to be significant. Maybe if you realize it all falls apart outside of God, you can rest assured your priorities are straight. OR… maybe the people whose names we know the best are people who never cared whether they were known or not. Maybe when you are really in sync with what God has for you to do, you become known without even trying.
Do you think we sometimes confuse anonymity with insignificance?
I think it is possible to be both anonymous (except to God, obviously) and deeply significant.
Everytime I think about this topic, (and I keep coming back to it like some of you have mentioned) I think of the phrase “Don’t thank me, thank God for sending me.” You can insert one of several words for sending; creating, making, putting (me) in the right spot, etc.
I think the anonymous part comes from making sure the glory goes to God and not to ourselves. The miracles that God allowed Moses to perform weren’t so that the people would worship Moses or even to make him famous amoung the people. It was so God could reveal His power through Moses. God just wants to use us, and when we try to put restrictions on how we “let” that happen, I think we’re bucking against the will of God. And I’m as guilty of this as anyone.
Yea, I definitely think we sometimes confuse anonymity with insignificance. But I think sometimes we also confuse anonymity with piety. For me, for years now, I’ve been dealing with the concern that – as Kathleen Kelly put it – I lead a small life because I haven’t been brave. And it’s not so much that God hasn’t asked me to do a big thing but that I never bothered to try. This is where I’m coming from when I think about this quote. In the end, I kind of wonder if neither fear is exactly admirable. They just are.
And now you’re quoting Kathleen Kelly. I think we’re meant to be friends.
I’m wondering about that Kathleen Kelly quote, too – I just watched that movie last week. And the line about never bothering to try – wow. That gets me right in the heart. I wonder what big things I’ve missed so far because I haven’t tried?
Thanks for the thoughtful post, Serenity. I’ll be mulling this one over for a while.
This is such a wonderful post, and is really something I’m going to be chewing on for a while. Such lovely comments also. When Molly said: “I think it is possible to be both anonymous (except to God, obviously) and deeply significant.” That hit me in the heart. That’s exactly what I would like to be. I’ve always enjoyed the behind the scenes involvement in any project much more than being the leader. I’m comfortable being the front person when called to be, but if I had my druthers, I would be the workhorse in the background that can be counted on to get the job done without all the fanfare.
Anonymous and Deeply Significant…. I’ve written them on a post it note to see everyday. Thank you for that!
Hi Serenity!
I don’t normally read, but when I do, you inspire me. I struggle with the same quesiton all the time. I’ve given up on becoming a figure in history books. To be honest, I think all of the effort that it takes to become famous would probably end up draining the energy and time out of you. I think that the trade-off is probably losing time with family and loved ones–and, well, basically missing out on LIFE in general. Only recently have I discovered how fast life really does “pass by,” and in my small perspective I think a simple life is way underrated. I’m sure just by being honest and open, you’ve left a mark on so many lives, and to those people you have been more influential than all the moviestars in hollywood.
I can relate to the girl’s desire to leave. But life doesn’t get better by going away–once you leave you realize you’re still the same person, no more glamorous than before, the only difference is that you now miss all of the things in your life that you left behind.
Oh, and I know those pancakes givers. I was part of that organization during my years at Truman, but unfortunatly only helped pass out pancakes for a half an hour one year. It’s the Baptist Student Union. The BSU actually owns that huge building behind little white house on the corner, as well as the little white house itself.
Thanks Alyssa! I love what you’ve said here. I agree there’s a lot to be said for a simple life. Especially if it’s filled with love (given and received). At times it’s even lovely to be able to find a place of quiet but happy anonymity. Brad and Angelina, for instance, can never have that.