Posted by Serenity in seasons | 5 Comments
be still my soul
The truth is, I had a few blue hours the first part of this new year when I realized how little had changed since this time last year. It hit me after reading one of last year’s first journal entries, which read eerily similar to this year’s first entry.
Those who knew me in high school – really knew me – probably think of me as someone who doesn’t like change much. I didn’t even like to travel. But now? I sort of crave change. Not big change, though that seems kind of interesting too. I crave little change that shows I’m moving in life instead of just standing still.
The thing is, I’ve read Rilla of Ingleside. Where she’s all bored with her very pretty 1900s life in Prince Edward Island in which “nothing exciting ever happens.” And then the War breaks out, and oh how she wishes for ordinary again.
So, I didn’t stay blue about ordinary for long. Thank God for ordinary. Thank God I got through so many years without a single recurrence scare from the whole Cancer Saga 2005. Thank God all my children are still around me happy and healthy and growing. Thank God our house, though smaller and older and more flawed than we would like, is still standing along with all our photographs and memories within it.
And then, from there, I thought about the little things that have changed in a positive way. We got a new table for the first time in our life together. Jake can now answer how old he is (he’s FOUR!). I don’t have a book published yet, but I do have a second one written. That can only be moving me forward, right? And in all the happy, peaceful things that matter, I’m one year more aware of them.
Still. I bought a brand new bag at Kohl’s on Saturday. And that was an awfully happy thought on Monday morning: I have a new bag. Things do change.
I’m 41 years old. (gasp). Its taken me this long to understand that with change, brings happy most of the time. No one told me that I would wake up Jan 1, 2010, and say; I THINK I GET IT!
But ‘get it’ I do. Oh this year of growth, I cant wait to see what I learn.
And a new purse at Kohl’s? Yeah. I like that. A LOT. =)
Love it! I actually started this year paralyzed by fear of all the things that may or may not change this year. I made Jer 29:11 “my verse” for 2010. I know it’s cliche, but it’s perfect. And it never changes either, which makes it even more so. (Perfect, I mean.) :)
I tell myself how the things we buy are never the important things…however, when I am feeling blue it seems like nothing can perk me up like a sweet baby…or new stuff! Especially a new bag! I love your perspective on change and gratitude here.
The beginning of my year was blue as well for the same reasons you wrote about. I”m trying to also embrace the ordinariness of my life and sometimes that is hard to do in January. A new bag or a new lipstick is all it takes to perk up my mood sometimes (:
Have a great day.
Jackie
It is the little things, isn’t it? Makes me think of “Seasons of Love” from Rent…”in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.” Also in new bags, in books read and written, in new tables and baby steps forward. That’s how you measure a life.