A moment in rural Missouri. I was in a hurry, speeding maybe just a little, and I got behind farm trucks a couple different times and a tractor or two. They were always moving so slow, and I inched my car toward them and nudged them with my laser are-you-kidding-me eyes. I hoped they would turn off on the nearest dirt road, and when the way ahead seemed clear and the solid yellow line grew dotted, I whipped around them, because, you know, I have a life. And then immediately I shook my head, because here’s what I really think. The person who’s not in a hurry? They’re probably the one with the life.
***
Yesterday I broke Jake’s heart when he looked at a family picture with everyone in it but him. He asked, “Where am I?” I said you weren’t born yet, and he looked at me like everything he’d ever known had just crumbled beneath him, and he was falling. “What does that MEAN?” So I told him. We looked at pregnant pictures and then at hospital pictures and then at snuggly pictures with baby sleepers and tiny little fingers. And suddenly he wanted to be a baby again, he wanted to grow little. And the whole thing broke my heart too. I’ve had emotional moments with all of my boys like this one, always when they realize there is death. And that’s what this seemed to be, like maybe the moment he realized he used to not exist suggested that one day he wouldn’t again. It’s hard watching children discover hard things.
***
The latest quote that haunts me, especially when it comes to my writing: “Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at something that doesn’t really matter.”
***
I’ve rediscovered reading to my children. None of them are too young to pay attention, none of them too old to care. And, thus, I’ve taken back bedtime. No longer an exhausted battle of dragging us from life to sleep. Now it’s a happy event in which we’re real-live, actually, truly, together.
***
It’s exhausting to constantly grumble. Dr. Phil likes to say to people, “How’s that working for you?” It’s such a simple solution, but really. Why do we spend so much time criticizing, assuming the worst, believing the rumors, spreading the gossip, embracing road rage, jumping to conclusions, debating, fighting, holding grudges, being jealous, and refusing to move on? Don’t we know by now that happiness leads to more of it? I dare you to answer a grouchy checkout person with genuine kindness and see how they respond. I dare you to go out of your way to make sure the person who almost backed into you knows that you know we all make mistakes. I dare you to just change that thing about which you can’t seem to stop complaining. Double. Dog.
***
Perhaps Friday is a psychological myth. Maybe weekends never live up to the hype. We can’t really catch up on missed sleep. And despite what we want to believe, routine is more conducive to productivity. But here’s hoping for it anyway – the myth to be true, the rest to be possible, and for us to prove our surprising ability to be productive in the routine we create for ourselves. Happy Friday.
Some great food for thought, Seren. I love the image of you reading to your boys. Happy weekend to you too.
bravo!!!! Awesome post Seren, I agree wholeheartedly. My favorite part is “routine is more conducive to productivity” so.true.
Holy cow. This was an awesome, awesome post. Double dog.
The kindness thing. It’s so true. I get in these bad, negative, gossipy cycles. It’s always so freeing to break them.
I love it………….ALL of it.
The person that’s not in a hurry…….they’re probably the one with a life.
It’s hard to watch children (especially your own, I’ll add) discover hard things.
…succeeding at something that doesn’t really matter.
Brilliant!
You are your parents child.
I would copy and paste it and send it to everyone I know if it wasn’t such blatent plagerism (sp), and WHY aren’t you published yet!??!
Girls, your encouragement is better than chocolate, I tell ya. Andrea, that last line is too sweet for words. And you copy and paste your little heart out. And now it’s officially not plagiarism. (I had to look up the spelling!)
I drove slowly when I came to see you today, after reading this post :)
Serenity, you’re lovely. Thanks for this.
C.
That quote … I agree, it is haunting.
Love your posts, as always!
Just found your blog! I am an aspiring writer and mom of two boys, going through the heart-wrenching process of adopting our daughter from Haiti.
I like your micro posts because they help my preoccupied mind pay attention! :)
It makes me sad when my boys have moments where they realize hard things in life.