I never noticed before how purple spring is. But it’s literally everywhere. We have two red buds in our yard, one old and knotty like it’s been there forever and one small and brand new. The neighbor’s corner closest to ours has violets I guess? And it looks like a plush purple carpet beneath their tree. Our lilac bush is never purple enough for me, but it’s blooming now too and full of the pretty color.
I never remember how healing spring is until the next time it comes around, but that’s just how it feels to me right now. And because it’s the first time I thought very seriously about how much purple it offers, the two are forever joined for me. Purple is just how my soul feels these days.
Sometimes I’m crazy, silly happy – like when Friday comes or on the day I got a literary agent. When I get something in the mail, when we go out to eat, when the boys make me laugh. That unhindered happy isn’t purple – it’s more like pink or something. And of course I have bad moods and grouchy days. I refuse to assign them a color, because no color should be so defamed. But they’re definitely not purple.
These days I’ve been frustrated. Yep, me, Miss Serenity Now – can you imagine? Where do I find the time for frustration in the midst of my overwhelming and unstoppable zest for life? ;) Let me tell you – it’s difficult – and spring has been making it especially trying. But I Manage.
It’s just work blues really – the difficulty of working from home in a job that’s not quite as task-oriented as I would like for at-home work. I’ve spent the last couple weeks trying to figure out why I’m so frustrated so I can fix it. Because, believe me, the pros to this job far outweigh the cons (not in number, but in weight, i.e., flexible hours and home with the kiddos). So I’m getting there. But the frustration HAS BEEN CRAZY BIG.
But then there’s this amazing – like, painful it’s so beautiful – spring outside, and when I’m out in it, it literally gets in my soul and breathes for me. And then it finds all the good, strong things inside that are healthy and happy and full. I’m so lucky to be breathing – let’s face it. I’m so lucky to have love in my life, plus all the obvious things like food, shelter, and work. That’s what the spring air finds when I let it in, and it feels deep and unshakeable and somehow very purple.
Listen, I do this. I make lilacs important. I consider a season God’s strong reminder that everything’s okay. Last summer I soaked in every moment at home with the boys, every trip to the library, and I had this overwhelming feeling that it was the last one we would have like that. And you know what? We’re headed into a summer that as far as I can tell WILL BE EXACTLY THE SAME. And despite the monstrous perspective change I’m finding this spring, next year if you return to this blog I’ll probably be all, “I never noticed how soothing spring can be..it’s like – everything is yellow.”
It’s not that I don’t know it’s kind of ethereal, it’s just that I had to say it anyway. Because I’m purple.
What about you? Doesn’t spring just fix (almost) everything?