I feel old. I had three basic dreams as a girl. Marry Michael Bohon, Be Julia Roberts, and Have Jennifer Aniston’s Hair. These days I find myself smack dab and quite happily in the middle of the first. Done. And it’s not a very young person sort of thing to have lived your dream-come-true for almost fifteen years.
Julia Roberts….well. That’s a problem, too, I think. It’s not that I haven’t accomplished this dream that makes me feel old. It’s that I’m so far past being able to accomplish it that the dreaming of it is flat out ridiculous. Only young girls can dream things like that.
And Jennifer Aniston’s Hair. With the advent of the Chemo Curls, which are full-on brunette, and which I promise you I don’t exactly hate – I’ve said goodbye to this dream forever. And despite the fact that she is several years older than me, I feel that even having long hair again will pale in comparison to having young long hair, and therefore, I feel old.
It’s not going to last, though, this feeling of middle-agedness that snuck up on me without my permission. It won’t last, because I will not let it. I have in recent years become the Master Ninja of My Own Happiness. I have just as many self-analyzing world-issue boo-hoo thoughts as ever, but I slice them almost immediately these days with the goodness I’ve gathered in my happier, more inspired moments. And don’t even come at me with your very gigantic reaction to a very small dilemma. Or rather, come at me at your will. Because I can defend myself against your heavy too. Just watch.
And with this silly new thought that I am somehow past the age of living or dreaming or having long hair, I have also planned an attack. Namely, I will keep living and continue to dream and learn to love whatever hair I’ve got, because it’s mine. Did you know Adele was quoted this month for saying that her dream is to have three sons before she’s thirty? I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING ANOTHER WOMAN DREAMS. And that woman is ADELE.
Sometimes I feel like I waited too late in life to want things and so I waited too long to truly pursue them. But what the heck? So much of what I wanted, I got. And everyone knows I believe the fun part to be in the wanting anyway. (At least for a while!)
And so I keep thinking, lately, of a dream I have called Rilla, which is to see that beautiful story on-screen. And that dream and this ninja project of happiness reminds me of something Rilla herself once said:
Taste life? I want to eat it!
And that is my master plan as well. Nope, I probably won’t see all the things I want to before I die. I’m certain I won’t even know of all the things I want to before I die. But life is in the attempt, and happiness comes from recognizing you’ve gotten somewhere for goodness sake, once you’re there.