Because I want it so much, it’s hard to remember the truth – that I am living my life according to specific, chosen values. They have not gotten me rich and famous yet – and they almost definitely never will, but I continue to live by them on faith – without any actual proof – that living by them will make me happier in the end.
It does not matter whether I’m in a state of enjoying my job or enduring it. Every now and then, it hits me like the alarm for an event I plugged into my phone but have otherwise forgotten: Oh yeah, I don’t really belong here. It’s not the institution, for which I’m very proud to work. It’s not the department, in which I’m happy. It’s just a feeling – I